Gold

‘Gold’

There is no way for us you know how deep something is until the light shows us. Both light dark must be present for any depth to exist.

There’s been some moments, some big stretches of time that I felt pretty bland. I couldn’t muster interest in much. I’ve heard it being described as feeling like you’re under water and it’s so true. I’d move through the world like a normal person, but I was just moving while inside I felt numb. But little by little I found pockets of light to bring back into my life. I walked towards things that woke me up, but I never ignored the pain I’d been in. I tried to hold space for both. I didn’t just all of the sudden feel better. I simply learned to let light in while the shadows still remained.

Since then I am no longer scared of the shadows in other people. I seek those who to have had some deep shadows to contend with.

I think it really began to change once I stopped waiting for the darkness to leave. I learnt to laugh and play whilst leaving room for the darkness too. I didn’t try to get over it all, I became something else, I let it all in and I like this version of myself much better.

When I first imagined painting this artwork, I was so focused on that light pouring onto the banksia, but as I painted those shadows, I placed the subtle colours in there and kept thinking, I like the feeling of the shadows as much as the light.

Those depths have some much love in them. Because grief is only love that has no place to go.